In 2016 I signed up for a 6 month intense tarot class upon moving to Brooklyn. I didn't know anyone in New York except my brother, and I was trying to navigate life post-divorce, mid-spiritual awakening, full on Tower year. This group was called The Brooklyn Fools, co-facilitated by founder Jeff Hinshaw and Lindsey Mack at Maha Rose.
The experience changed my life. It was the first time in 20 years of reading tarot that I wasn't practicing alone. The group introduced me to community, and supported me in ways that felt more authentic than I had ever encountered. The friends I made have become my family, and led me to wonderful opportunities for growth and expansion beyond what I thought possible.
When I began I thought, there is no way I would ever read tarot professionally. I was just doing it for myself, to heal, and to learn to be kind and compassionate to myself. During this time I had already begun illustrating the Moon Void Tarot, although at the time it wasn't a project I had any intention of making in to a retail product.
Four years later, and it has taken on a life of it's own, and still growing.
Last night was the first class of the 8 week Tarot Immersion I'm hosting at my home in Brooklyn. To say I am proud of myself is an understatement. I believe our greatest fears point to our greatest potential. We'll never live the life we dream of if we don't acknowledge these fears, and do things anyway.
Speaking in front of groups has always been something I've avoided, yet when I had my first professional astrology reading, all of my beneficial personal planets are up in my 9th & 10th houses begging to be in the spotlight - hello Leo Sun & Mercury! How could that be if being in front of people is panic inducing? It's just fear.
Another fear of mine is heights, these are both pretty basic fears, nothing special...but two things I've avoided that have kept my dreams just out of reach. Last week I went to Mexico with one of my best friends, Todd Baratz, sex therapist & podcaster - @yourdiagnonsense on IG.
We traveled to Teotihuacan and climbed the Pyramids. Half way to the top of The Pyramid of the Sun, I had a massive panic attack. After I calmed down, with tears streaming down my face in front of many strangers, I kept going and made it to the top. I had this bizarre inner deal with myself that if I could climb to the top of the pyramid, I would be able to confidently teach my class. I would rather have the panic attack atop a pyramid in front of hundreds of strangers, than in my own living room in front of eight students.
The sense of satisfaction that comes from accomplishing something that is terrifying is the most gratifying feeling. Overcoming your own limitations and learning what you're actually capable of is THE greatest feeling, and it only comes from pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone.
I think it's important to acknowledge the wins. We tend to shrug off our accomplishments, regardless of how big or small they are, to push forward to the next goal. This can create an overall sense of dissatisfaction, or feeling that you'll never be as good as you should be. Tooting your own horn is an act of self love and an exercise in worthiness.
We can be humble space holders and take up space at the same time. Life is a paradox, and it can feel uncomfortable to hold two truths simultaneously.
Last night was amazing. I remember the feelings I had when I began my tarot intensive, how exciting it was to learn alongside other tarot enthusiasts, getting the opportunity to read for others, and have them read for me. It was such a magical time in my life, and last night I got to experience the magic from the other side, as the teacher.
Creating community around shared activity is so important, especially when it fosters and promotes growth, self-inquiry, and healing. Everyone needs support alongside joy. These are two truths that I am working with currently.